Not Immediately

This week, I am taking a trip down memory lane. Jared and I moved to where we are now at a little over 2.5 years ago. I have talked about this in prior blogs that before we moved down here, Jared worked for a fire department and I was a stay at home mom. While, Jared was a fireman, his salary was very good. During that time, we wanted to live "the American Dream". We wanted to have it all...NOW! We bought two very expensive cars, we blew through our money on clothes, outings, fun events. We got so good at it that his large salary seemed to not be enough. We began to spend more money than we had.
When Jared lost his job, suddenly the two of us were unemployed. At that time, we felt God leading us to a new home another state away. We weren't able to give up our old habits of spending. In 2008, we went in the hole, big time! I remember calling out to God, when I realized how large of a hole we dug ourselves into. When I evaluated our situation, I realized that God had provided all of our needs, but didn't pay the bill on all of our wants. If we would have been happy and satisfied in our needs being provided for, we wouldn't have got ourselves into so much debt.
I didn't understand why God didn't get us out of the situation we were in. After all, Jared and I confessed to God the wrong we had done. Why was He not answering our prayers? Why didn't a check come in the mail for a grossly large amount of money? Why, Why, Why? This really weighed on me and challenged my faith.
Jared and I made it a goal to become debt free, but the goal seemed unattainable. I would cry myself to sleep at night.
In 2009, Jared and I continued to go in debt, but the amount we went in debt was half what it was the year before. I admit, I would call out to God, "Is this what you call help?", "Is this providing for us." "We have nearly taken away all the wants and have done our best to be satisfied with the needs, but sometimes I question if You are really providing for our needs."
In 2010, my goal was to cut the amount we went in debt to half of what it was in 2009. Something started to happen that wasn't recognizable at first. In April, God provided a promotion at my work. He increased Jared's sales on Ebay. We decided to buy a home in July, but since we still own our home in another state, we could only be approved for a small amount. In fact, our mortgage would be a couple hundred dollars less than our current rent. We were so excited, then suddenly right before closing on the home, the underwriter decided to back out of the loan. We went to another lender, but that lender wanted us to get rid of one of the cars (you know, the expensive one). Jared and I had debated doing this, my work is close and it wasn't worth keeping. So, we sold our car in less than two weeks. Jared also sold his 76' Mini Cooper that was sitting in storage for the past couple of years. Once the cars were sold, suddenly we felt that the house we were going for wasn't the right one. When the house fell through, at first I was angry at God for making everything that seemed so perfect and just the right answer to fall through, but now, I see God's hand that He was continuing to shake us free of extra debt, like the extra cars.
We are going to continue to look for a new home down here. We have realized that only being approved for a smaller amount is actually God's hand at work. With a smaller mortgage, we will continue to see our goal and prayers answered.
For 2010, I was only working for half the debt of 2009, but that has been more than answered. In 2010, we have paid off more debt than was acquired in 2008 and 2009 together.
Sometimes, I see myself as Thomas, one of Jesus' disciples, that didn't believe that Jesus had risen from the dead until he had seen the physical proof. In John 20:27-28,

27Then He said to Thomas, "(A)Reach here with your finger, and see My hands; and reach here your hand and put it into My side; and do not be unbelieving, but believing."

28Thomas answered and said to Him, "My Lord and my God!"


Most of the time, I move through life, unobservant of all the blessing God pours out. I move through life, thinking that my steps aren't visible and that I am aimlessly wandering. I do hold onto God's promises though. I feel confident that each day will be sweeter than the day before. But, every now and then, God allows me to see a glimpse of what He is accomplishing. He reminds me that my prayers have not been done in vain. He encourages me that my steps have been ordained and that I am here for a specific purpose. He has shown me that He does provide for all of my needs, but gives me grace and mercy when I get my wants confused with my needs. Even though my prayers don't get answered in my time, they will be answered in just the right time. Thank you, my dear Jesus for showing me, even when I haven't been observant. I can truly say, "My Lord and My God." It is times like these that I go from unbelieving to believing.